The Rolodex

I always wondered about people who had 30,000 friends on LinkedIn. Unlike Facebook, where millions of people with varied interests could subscribe to a celebrity's status or a news source, LinkedIn was supposed to be more professional. In some ways, it was originally more intimate than Facebook, because you were putting your professional reputation on the line to make yourself available as a reference. No more, hasn't been that way in at least the last couple of years since its popularity exploded. Is it going to continue to be a useful tool into the future? If yes, how do we use it well?

I remember explaining to people what LinkedIn was, years ago. "If I know you and you know me, but I don't know everyone you know and you don't know everyone I know, wouldn't it be great to have an organized way to find each other?" Of course! the people responded. I would love to have a great reference to a trusted professional, a potential candidate, a certified expert. Like all great databases, it had one major flaw- there is no way to continuously update it wiki-style. In some ways, that's good. I don't want people to be able to edit my bio, change it, make corrections. But I also know people who have put up a different profile with every job or new city, and others who don't make any changes at all for the years after they put up their original profile.

As of today, I have 1,073 "trusted" connections. Some are coworkers, friends from church, former classmates. Some are clients. Some are candidates I did (or tried to) recruit, some are people I met at cocktail parties along the way and thought they might be useful to me or I to them at some later date. Surely, I would want to have a contact - JUST IN CASE.

I am weeding the garden of my Rolodex. Some of my connections are good friends. I had dinner with one of them tonight. Looking across some of their names, I don't remember all of them. If I do remember them, I'm struggling to think when or why I might need to talk to them or them to me. Tagging is helpful, tagging allows me to quickly glance across a select group of people to let them know who might be interested in a new art event or political opening or who might need to know each.

Introducing people to each other is a great joy of mine. I love connecting people with people, people with ideas, people with jobs. I started recruiting because I became a people hub. Unfortunately, there is only so much mental space to go around. Every day, I make a point to throw away or give away 25 things. The things can be as simple as an old catalog, a candle that I haven't quite burned through, or books I need to give to the library because I won't be re-reading them. They can be clothes, or old towels or misc. junk. And they can be people. People I never really knew, old flames I can't imagine reconnecting with or former clients I have nothing to say to. If I can't write an email to you, why are you in my head?

I love the freedom this is bringing. I am reminded that Jesus had a best friend, two closest friends, and nine others in His most intimate circle. He had infinite opportunities to connect and reach masses and masses of people, but he chose to make a difference a different way. A closer, more intimate way. He chose to pour into people, the right people, the few, the select, the ones he could trust the most. His example is one of true purpose, that despite all of life's distractions, relationships do matter.

The theory of financial relativity.

I've heard people define their relative success in phrases like "I paid more taxes last year than I used to make, total." or "I paid more for my last car than I did for my first house."

My theory of financial relativity: A floating number of current achievement that is more than you used to have but less than you currently want.

Here's how to have what you want financially:

Understand that financial freedom isn't having a certain number in savings, it's having enough income that the work you do (if any) doesn't matter. If your monthly expenses are $1,000 and you bring in $1,100, you are free! If you have a million dollars but are spending it down and concerned about running out at some point, you aren't free.

While most people associate insurance with car or life, the most important kind is actually disability insurance because your income- your ability to earn money- is your single largest and most important asset. The related problem with being able to earn money is that you usually have to keep earning it. We associate portfolios of rental real estate and municipal bonds with the uber-rich, but what if they were for the common people as well?

I bought a house when I was 25 and moved out of it and across the country a month later. For years after, I learned how to negotiate leases, sniff out problem tenants and take care of good ones. I learned about mortgages and business interest and depreciation. I read books about commercial real estate. I started imagining. Then I got a job selling muni bonds, and I raised a few billion dollars. And the credit market fell apart, and came back together, and I learned some more about credit spreads and default rates and interest cycles. I got involved in politics and read some and learned some more.

My life will surely cost more as I upgrade through the years. But there's a strategy involved. There's a different number I'm aiming for- the FREEDOM number. I know what my bills are. I don't have any debt. I will be free. And I'm taking everyone I know with me.

The Training Money Can't Buy

Training matters. In some ways, it matters more than almost any other part of your job, because it sets the acceptable standard. My company puts my department's new hires through six weeks of training, followed by mentorship, followed by standing alone.

While formal training is critical, there are many types that can't be taught classroom style. What opportunities do your employees want to receive? Often, it is very different from what management is offering.

Creative ideas for training:

1) Have your front line reps spend a day training your senior leaders as if they were new employees. Not only will this highlight the good, bad and ugly of the day to day work, it can provide a unique opportunity to provide feedback. The TV show Undercover Boss was built on the premise that sometimes the problems at the top could be fixed quickly and easily with the ultimate flatness of hierarchy- the boss on the front line. It will give him or her a glimpse that no report can.

2) Consider a fellowship program. Often all it takes to recharge a tenured employee is the opportunity to work in another department for a few months. Meeting different people, learning new computer systems, connecting sideways or diagonally can not only highlight various strengths (other than the ones you were already aware of), it can also create friendships, partnerships and a great incentive for those motivated by new challenges to remain engaged.

3) Carve off time and money in your budget to allow employees to pursue their craziest ideas for your business. Google has a policy of allocating 20% of employee time to allowing people to pursue whatever hobby they find most energizing and engaging, knowing that the ideas will follow. Some of their big winners included Google News and Froogle.

When your employees know that you want them at 100% and are willing to invest in it, the entire culture starts to shift accordingly and the results will follow.

It's my party and...

I teach Sunday school to the world's best group of 5 year olds. They're not the best behaved (although most of them are pretty cool, and one of them told me I was probably the tallest person in the world), but they're mine and I adore them. I've been with them for years. I've changed their diapers and watched with great joy as they learned to read and ride their bikes.

I make a point to give every kid in my class a hug every week so I can make sure they're getting a hug every week. I hold their hands and tell them how very much Jesus loves them and how glad I am they're in my class. Then they grow up, and hopefully all of them will answer God's call on their lives, whether it's ministry or motherhood or accounting... whatever.

I teach them that character counts, and that it counts even more when it doesn't count.

So what's an appropriate place to draw the line?

Too often, I see caregivers of the weakest and the least of us terrified to use common sense. Recently, a video surfaced on YouTube of a kindergartner throwing a fit, and instead of the teacher spanking her, explaining to her what she did wrong and then giving her an opportunity to be good, the teacher was going to great pains to show she wasn't touching the little girl. Unable to calm her down, she ended up calling the cops to take the unruly child out in handcuffs.

Really?

This can't be the best we can do as society. Child abuse is unacceptable, but the death of common sense and the behavior that results has been producing a different kind of abuse. What favors are we doing our children by worshipping them? In what areas is it appropriate to expect them to have discipline when we refuse to instill any in them?

The death of common sense has far reaching implications. Congressmen are elected on promises of what they will give to people. Bankruptcy courts are full of people with no honor, who have decided that instead of taking the hard road out, cutting their lifestyles and doing what it takes to get their debts paid, they will take the hit on their credit. But what about the people who have to pay for the programs? What about the lenders who sold them goods in good faith? What about everybody who has lived inside the lines?

We must take common sense back. Political correctness has created a death of ideas, a fear of offense, a moratorium on the endless possibilities that come from a free exchange. Common sense starts by understanding we must be careful but then we must trust. We must hold people accountable to the highest standards, but we must call those standards out in them. People are capable of amazing things, more than we ever thought possible, and it starts with simple ideas like having children understand we deeply love them. Sometimes love looks like a hug and sometimes it looks like discipline. How much do we steal by withholding one of those?

Let them eat cake!

When Marie-Antoinette heard the French people had no bread, she responded "Let them eat cake!" It was the decadent phrasing of a queen out of touch with her people, an embodiment of all things wrong with France, royalty and the ruling class. It has been repeated for centuries, with one simple problem: nobody is actually sure that she ever said it.

Although German author Erich Kaestner attributed the quote to the queen in the 1931 children's story "Pünktchen und Anton," history suggests that Marie-Antoinette was actually a philanthropist with a strong sense of compassion for others. She was portrayed as the evil queen due to France's complicated past with Austria, as well as her failure to consummate her marriage on her wedding night. She lost her brother and sister to smallpox and her mother contracted the disease, although she survived it.

I bring this up because of the complex relationship between the authority figures in society and those who follow them. Sometimes it is a pastor who doesn't return a phone call quickly enough, or a boss who seems unresponsive to the requests he or she solicited. It is easy to hate the cartoon of the Dauphine without considering her struggles. On the other hand, we owe ourselves the truth about expectations. What is appropriate and reasonable to assume? What communication strategies may be effective (or at least more effective than others)?

Although we often think about strategies of how to deal with others' expectations of us, however I want to offer two ideas to consider in dealing with our expectations of others:

1) The story is more complicated than it seems. A woman in a club I belong to frequently cancels her obligations with little advanced notice. After seeing a pattern of this, I had a number of initial reactions including wanting to call her out on it or asking our club leadership to take action. Instead, I sent her an email asking if she were okay or needed anything. That simple gesture of caring unleashed a flood of reaction, gave me insight into the actual problem, and gave me a much clearer indication of what she was going through and how we might be able to work together in the future.

2) Other people aren't obligated to meet your expectations. In Marie-Antoinette's case, the French people had an expectation of her as an Austrian, a royal, the public face of the country's compassion, a suitable companion for Louis XIV. Celebrities generally choose their own spotlight and are desperate to remain in it as a public validation. Employees generally don't choose their bosses and children never choose their parents. I encourage open and honest communication between both, knowing that it can break through to a deeper relationship, but can also create an even higher wall. Telling your boss or parent what you need and then have them fail to give it to you can hurt. However, not asking for it at all is a great shame. While little girls dream of being princesses in a magical Disney version, the truth is that Royalty brings its own set of challenges. Your people must love you, or at least like you enough not to kill you. Other armies can march forward anytime so you must stand vigilant ready to defend your Kingdom. Your marriage, your home and your life is not your own. The most personal decisions can have long term and wide reaching implications.

People are capable of great altruism and don't always function for their own best ends. However, knowing that they can and will let you down will put you in a much better space to forgive them and not allow their shortcomings to hinder your best path.

Why Club Building Matters

I am a proud member of Toastmasters, the world's leading communication and leadership program. We pride ourselves on being the only organization in the world solely dedicated to the individual.

We are 12,500 clubs organized across 113 countries. Yet, every year, Toastmasters International holds every club and district in the world to the same standards of attracting new members, starting new clubs and making sure members are hitting their individual goals. With so many clubs out there already, why does club building matter?

Club building is essential for three reasons:

1) Clubs that all already healthy will grow faster by multiplying. While ironic, it tends to happen pretty consistently in Toastmasters, church plants and other volunteer heavy endeavors. When new clubs form, it gives members the opportunity to get in on the ground floor, and shape something new together. Additionally, it can be valuable for the unlimited variations a club can take (themed, advanced, corporate, open, third shifters, etc.).

2) Sometimes, the load is being shouldered to heavily by a small handful of people, or even a single one. When clubs are constantly forming, new energy creates new leaders, more people are given the opportunity to grow and step up, and equally importantly giving existing the leaders the opportunity (or in some cases the impetus) to step aside.

3) While Toastmasters is definitely more well known for public speaking, the leadership program is critical. The best way I've found to understand every mechanical thing about an organization is to start one from scratch. With TM, it's a win-win because so much of the material is standardized with set expectations and tons of support around. You have an opportunity to cast vision before all kinds of community and business leaders about what life might look like with a world- or maybe just a department- full of better communicators.

I built two corporate clubs this year from scratch. I got to connect with people in other departments, talk to them about meetings that ran on time where people were prepared, and capable of making concise, interesting presentations even on short notice. The company took notice. They gave us a room, and a budget. They told senior leaders to push from the top down.

There are parts of our business I never think about, like how email on a remote server gets stuck in firewalls, and how different departments (particularly legal) might want to be involved with whatever I am putting online. With this experience, I not only found an opportunity to learn about and make friends in these departments, I found a hundred reasons to make people look good in front of their boss. Or their boss's boss. Or the head of the entire department.

I didn't join TM to get promoted or look good in front of Corporate or make a name for myself. I simply built a club because it was a message that needed to be spread. And I hope my club inspires other leaders to spread their own message. I look forward to helping them!